My Experience with Mental Health: Anxiety
It's #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth, so each week, I'm diving into a different mental health topic that I'm intimately familiar with, starting with anxiety. I started this conversation on my Instagram, so if you’re not following me there, consider doing so to chat with the community on this topic and more in the coming weeks!
Anxiety by the numbers
Let's start by painting a picture of the issue in America, with data from The Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the US, affecting 40M adults (18% of the population) every year.
Anxiety develops from a complex set of risk factors, incl. genetics, brain chemistry, personality & life events.
It's often linked w/ depression. Nearly one-half of those diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 37% of those suffering receive treatment.
TL;DR: It's a big, but blessedly treatable, problem in our country.
My experience with anxiety
I've experienced heart-racing, stomach-clenching anxiety before I knew there was a word for it. As a child, I slept with dream catchers above my bed & worry dolls under my pillows to ease the nightmares that plagued me.
I feared kidnapping as a child, assault as a teen, and now, natural disasters as an adult. I've learned to name this "existential anxiety."
I've also experienced what I've come to term "relational anxiety," primarily in close friendship, romantic relationships (usually the ones that don't work out) and in the workplace. Key relationship anxiety exhibited in this blog post.
As I've gotten older, I've learned that close family members have also had near-death experiences with debilitating anxiety. I've also been prescribed anti-anxiety medication that I proudly carry with me & take as needed (while continuing to practice self-soothing techniques as a primary defense). I try my best to be open about how much therapy has helped me in this area, as a further effort to de-stigmatize both the experience and the treatment.
What I learned from a Buddhist nun on managing anxiety
"When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Hard Times” is the single most important spiritual text I’ve read to date. Shipped to me in the middle of a life crisis by one of my dearest friends, I’ve returned to the words in this book for every crisis thereafter. It’s especially useful when your specific crisis involves intense anxiety, so if you’re someone who regularly suffers, it might be one to pick up.
Here are the 8 main takeaways for me:
Accept non-permanence and change. Security is an illusion.
Relax into groundlessness. Give up hope of getting solid ground under your feet.
Suffering is normal and ok. It doesn't mean something is wrong. it just is.
You are fundamentally alone. That is not a problem.
Exposing yourself to annihilation builds resilience.
Have fearless compassion for yourself and others.
Open to your thoughts and emotions, don't close. Notice opinions, let them go.
Relax and lighten up! Give yourself a break.
You can read my full post on getting through crisis with Pema Chodron's "Hearth Advice for Hard Times" here. I dive a lot deeper into what the above takeaways mean to me, and how you can apply them to your hard times.
My tips for managing situational anxiety
I would love to tell you that I successfully meditate or employ breath-work to get through my situational anxiety, but I seem to actually get more in my head that way. Tyler has had powerful success with mindfulness meditation and visualizations, etc. while going through a period of anxiety, so definitely don't knock it as an option. It just hasn't been my bag.
Of course, I try to breathe. Be here now, and not somewhere in the regretful past or scary future. From there, I try to utilize the below strategies.
Write it out. Get all feelings on paper. Investigate w/ curiosity and kindness.
Indulge in the worst case scenario, dispassionately. What resources do you have to recover? Ex: your family, skill set, health.
Favor the most likely outcome. Outcomes are usually somewhere between best case & worst case. Plan to land in the middle.
Keep in mind the average attention span. Even if you fail, it will quickly fade from memory.
Talk to yourself. Repeat the words "I love you and I forgive you, no matter what happens. You're allowed to make mistakes." Mean it.
Reach out. Apologize if you need to. Call your mom or best friend for an anxiety reality check.
Move on. Put on some music, take a shower, go for a walk, say yes to an invite. Remind yourself that life goes on.
Read more about how I deal with everyday anxiety here.
Why I share about my anxiety
I share for no other reason than to let you know that you are not alone in what you carry. To grow empathy for what this condition feels like. And to encourage you to dig more into what positive psychology can teach you about managing your mental health. It's been a godsend for me, and what makes me so passionate about the space. Sending you all the peace and self-compassion you need to get through your next anxious spell.
What form does anxiety take in your life? What tips can you share that have helped you manage it? Drop a comment below to help growing awareness and empathy in this space. And consider subscribing to Blue Sky Mind’s weekly roundup email or Instagram for more content like this.