I've found something to appreciate or respect about every single coworker I've had in the last ~10 years, but I'll be honest...I haven't always found kinship with my colleagues. In fact, it's more rare that I meet someone at work that I would consider a friend both inside and outside the walls of the office. Perhaps that's a common feeling, but I know (and have felt jealous of) people who find deep connection and community within their colleagues.

This problem only seems to be exacerbated as you get older and more senior in a company. I was fortunate to get to take on more of a leadership role about six months ago at my company, and I've come to realize that this “graduation” often comes with the price tag of even fewer friends. You have fewer peers the higher up you climb, and thus, fewer people you can have open convos with about both your personal and professional life.

That new form of space coincides with higher-pressure situations, often revolving around strategic decisions that need to be made quickly and with a relatively high degree of confidence so as not to take the company down a costly and ultimately fruitless road. It can make collaborating with peers not only cognitively draining, but emotionally heavy, as well.

That's why I was both relieved and inspired to hear the legendary Sharon Salzberg discuss in my Inner MBA program how the interconnectedness of loving kindness practice could be used to improve collaboration skills in even the biggest of organizations.

Her advice is simple: You don't have to like someone to feel connected to them . . . You can always remind yourself:

"This person is vulnerable to loss & change, just like me."

Lead with openness & empathy, not judgment

Sharon reminds us that rooting into our sense of oneness is where we will find our empathy for the people we work with and often feel challenged by. Consider the following common scenarios and potential reframes we get from an empathetic approach:

Why is my boss slacking me 20 times in a row while I'm trying to lead a meeting? Probably, he's being hunted down by someone higher up for an answer he doesn't have. It's stressful, and I can certainly empathize with that feeling.
Why is my partner proceeding with a plan that I've expressed major reservations with? Perhaps her boss has given her no choice, or she has information I don't. There is so much uncertainty about the "right thing" to do, and I certainly don't have all the answers. She likely feels the same way, and is doing the best she can with what she knows.

Blame the work, not the people

This part of the Inner MBA coursework reminded me of an article I skimmed on a particularly rough work week. I was having a hard time collaborating, and the headline of this piece caught my eye - something about what to do to make work “feel less hard.” This idea was also simple: rather than assigning the blame for the stress and challenge of your job on the people you work with, put the blame on the work.

So, before or after a tough day, remind yourself: We're all good people trying to solve tough problems. This work is really challenging, but we're all kind people who want to help one another get through it.

This simple outlook can change your view immensely. Rather than collapsing into an identity of anxiety and self-focus at work, it allows me to show up in a more expansive and other-minded manner. It allows me to give others the benefit of the doubt, to continue trudging on through tough conversations and hard decisions, because I believe the work is the problem to be solved, not the people.

Do you have a tried and true approach to collaborating when things get tough? Leave a comment with your story below!

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Up Next: Mindful Self-Management Strategies: How to Regulate Your Emotions in an Increasingly Complex and Chaotic World