The Gratitude Examples You Need to Get Through The Pandemic Wall

Afterglow. 2021, Oil on panel. 10”x10.” Original art by Jenny Haught.

2020 was extraordinary for so many reasons, but one in particular has stuck out to me with shining significance: Despite a year of uncertainty and isolation and grieving, so many people I know have discovered new and deeply fulfilling sources of joy. Where challenge exists, silver linings continue to abound. 

For my second to last post in the Blue Sky Mind Friendship Series, I wanted to focus on exactly that: what has challenged my community the most during the pandemic, and the inevitable silver linings. I’ll be quick to say that no one interviewed for this series lost their job due to layoffs, a loved one to COVID, or their home to a raging wildfire. While that represented 2020 for many in our country, it thankfully did not characterize the experience of the majority. 

What my friends expressed, and what I’ll write about below, is more an expression of the common human experience in a time of global upheaval, the collective gratitude examples we can draw on at this time of the ultimate pandemic wall. 

Challenges from the pandemic 

While most of us are currently pressed up against the pandemic wall, cheek to concrete, stagnant and ready to hit play on the technicolor version of our lives pre-COVID, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be getting brighter. Cases are free-falling, vaccinations are picking up, and “normal life” could resume as soon as the summer. But it can be helpful to reflect on the challenges we’ve withstood in order to muster the gratitude required for this (hopefully) last push in the period of hardship.

Uncertainty and fear

There were two types of uncertainty described by the friends I spoke to: one that prevented you from making plans, and another, more sinister version that inspired fear and drained the spirit. It was hard enough not being able to plan a safe, socially-distanced trip outside the home, not knowing if a new outbreak would cause your destination to shut down or instate new regulations. It was harder yet to feel uncertain that your local, state and federal government and healthcare system might not be equipped to handle this “new normal,” and what it might mean for society and your own personal survival. 

"It's really the uncertainty that can destroy your spirit and make it tough to remember that everything's okay,” my friend Cecilia poetically put it. Cecilia, a San Francisco Bay area native, was living and working in London when the pandemic hit and borders closed. She describes that moment as one of the most terrifying in her life. 

Not being able to see family

On one hand, it was hard to see how many friends struggled with not being able to see their family. On the other, it made me happy to know that so many of them were doing their best to protect their relatives through distance. In many cases, there wasn’t an absolute isolation, but more of a constant negotiation about what level of contact would be safe and travel regulations and risks to be taken into account. Others ached to know that their own, more vulnerable family members might be suffering. As one friend shared, “Knowing that my 94-year-old grandmother was sitting in her house alone, cut off from the family that usually sees her every week, was also terrible. You just feel so helpless to help those around you and to support your family.” 

My friend Jenny, resident artist of the Friendship Series and another Bay Area native, described the strange tension of being forced to play “adult” in her relationship with her parents. Many friends I knew echoed this sentiment, noting that they’d had to assert firm COVID safety boundaries when visiting their more-lax parents. 

The loss of big events and/or time 

The gap between expectation and reality is often a huge part of dissatisfaction, and the gap widened for everyone this year. For those with big trips planned, weddings to attend, or major life moves planned, 2020 forced them to either press pause or cancel their plans outright, leading to grief of its own kind. Loss is loss is loss. Others had hoped 2020 would be the year they got serious about dating. It cannot be understated how difficult the pandemic has made an already fraught experience for young people. 

"Dating took major effort pre-pandemic,” said my friend Arjun, who planned to move from San Francisco to New York City in 2020 after breaking off a long-term relationship the year before. "2020 made it exponentially harder and confusing," he said. 

Lack of distraction 

This response surprised me in how often it cropped up in conversations with my friends, but I think it tells an important tale of the pandemic. Without the distractions of everyday routines, like getting ready and commuting and socializing, many of us were left to reckon with deeply existential questions or “demons,” as one friend put it. The pandemic forced many of us to sit still and stop moving (long a suggestion of those in the mindfulness and meditation community), leading to sometimes-painful, but always-helpful, introspection. Friends reckoned with their values and life choices, how they think about race and happiness. 

"It can be exhausting wading through these questions,” shared my friend Caroline candidly. Especially so, as Caroline planned to launch her first major entrepreneurial venture in 2020 - Kif Water Kefir - with a primarily in-person retail sales model. 

Silver linings, aka gratitude examples

The definition of a “silver lining” is “a consoling or hopeful prospect.” Despite the strife and struggle of the pandemic, it has led to so much gratitude for the opportunity to explore a radically different concept of the life well-live. Below are the major areas that give my community hope for a new world post-pandemic: 

The gift of time 

Perhaps the most starkly consistent answer among friends was their gratitude for more time to just be in 2020. Reading all of these silver linings in a row 100 years from now, you’d get the distinct image of a herd of smart and ambitious young professionals racing against the clock to climb the career ladder, look for and secure love, nurture loving relationships with friends and family, and better their bodies and minds constantly. All the while, they were furiously managing the logistics of these things - traveling to and from, aligning schedules, cultivating images. And you’d sense in their words a collective sigh of relief for a year where they were allowed to do so, so much less. 

“Shelter-in-place was like a mandatory chill out order,” shared Jenny, "and it's actually been nice.” Jenny, who used to fill her weekends and weeknights with book clubs, happy hours, and travel, began passion painting again after a many-year hiatus. She recently redid her portfolio website and started an Instagram dedicated to her art. 

I loved how my friend Margaret wrapped up the sentiment in this quote: "Not commuting, not being tied to one location, not having tons of weekend plans—all of these things have given me the gift of time. While I wasn't able to see my family until the summer time, I've been able to spend more time with them than I usually would (a whole month trip instead of just a weekend trip). I've been able to read 16 books so far this year, which is truly a record for me. I've been able to cook complicated meals and take very long walks. I'm so thankful for this reset."

Strengthened relationships 

While not being able to see family has challenged us in the pandemic, it’s also made so many realize the importance of and gratitude for our most intimate relationships. "In 2020, many of us were able to do massive introspection of what mattered,” wrote Arjun, "and when it really counted, most of us wanted to just be with the ones we love.” Arjun, after delaying his plans to move to New York, spent most of 2020 living with his twin brother and his sister-in-law in Dallas. He reports deeply cherishing that time together, noting that he never would have spent that amount of quality time with his own brother outside of the pandemic. 

Collectively, we also learned how to lean on our networks like never before, calling one another from across the country or the world to comfort one another through the dark, early days of uncertainty. "I learned how to better communicate and lean on my network when the powerless feeling felt like too much,” shared my friend Casey. Casey is a dynamite attorney working the craziest hours of anyone I know. To hear her use the words “I” and “powerless” in the same sentence is a novelty and a deep expression of the need we felt for our relationships in 2020.

And finally, some of us found or deepened love of the romantic variety in the midst of lockdown. When asked about her silver lining, one friend (who wishes to remain private) responded, "My relationship. I've spent every day this year with him, and I'm not tired of him. It's such great validation . . . that I can spend every single day with him and dont need a break." 

More examples of gratitude during the pandemic. From sweet Canada, of course.

More creativity

All of that aforementioned time has led to a resurgence of creativity in the various friends interviewed. Time and space in the calendar gave them the freedom to “think about things creatively” or simply prioritize creative hobbies that didn’t make the chopping block in more fast-paced periods of life. "I finally had time to work on personal projects that are more in line with who I want to be in life,” said Jenny, "without all of the daily routines I had grown accustomed to taking up all of my time.” 

I wonder if there’s something else going on here, though. A friend at work recently reminded me that the Renaissance period came right after the Bubonic Plague, perfectly illustrating how human beings are able to take suffering and turn it into art. My guess is that the pandemic has and will continue to fuel an entire generation of creative minds, of people who see suffering and don’t just make art, but find creative solutions or alternative paths to old problems. 

Personal development

To my delight, so many friends noted their personal growth in the last year. There’s something about a deeply serious, difficult moment in time, one that reminds you vividly of your vulnerability as a human and your mortality on this earth, that causes the human psych to react with questions about a life well-lived. 

"I've been thinking about: 'What are the key things that are important to me in crafting a happy and fulfilled life?” shared Linda, my friend who left her job in early 2020 to solo-travel southeast Asia for five months before her trip was abruptly cut short by border closures. "How can I structure my life in a way to be resilient to whatever comes and goes in the world?’” Linda is currently in Costa Rica pursuing her second six-week sustainable farming certification, after receiving her first one on the Big Island of Hawaii just a month ago. Read about Linda’s first solo-travel experience here. 

In another beautiful sentiment, my best friend Jackie celebrated, "Not only being able to be alone, but really consciously and actively making decisions that do right by me,” was a key silver lining for her in the last year. Jackie moved to New York City by herself at the height of the pandemic, pushing to fulfill a plan that was over a year in the making, despite all odds. She’s found so much fulfillment from making her new apartment her own and exploring the city on hours-long walks. 

The following quote from Cecilia on personal growth really struck a chord with me: 

"It is so humbling how moments of adversity can actually make us grow so much. I feel like I went from being an immature 20-something to someone who has actually been through a major life event, and as such, has come to understand that the world actually isn't fair, that just because we have advanced technology we can't protect ourselves from everything, and that actually, the world can change at the turn of a dime. So, in a nutshell, I'd say [my silver lining is] the level of personal growth I've witnessed within my internal landscape.”

What will change going forward? 

Cecilia again put my thoughts into words: “We all must remember that although times are tough, times are also ripe for momentous positive change - if only we don't go back to the status quo."

This small but mighty mindful community agrees. Although there’s a sense of a major breakdown of trust in our institutions and society, there’s also a lot of hope for an inflection point and a large-scale re-thinking of our priorities. 

“Trust has eroded significantly on public institutions to save us — especially in the US; I feel there's a "save yourself and your loved ones" first,” said Arjun, now in NYC. But, “I am very interested in the reactionary period that follows this. I think it will be one of creative expression and exploration and travel and sincere connections,” said Jenny, in SF. The pandemic “has led me to explore radical new ways of living and structuring communities. It's also shown me (and I think many others) what is really important in life,” said Linda, currently in Costa Rica. 

So what’s been your challenge and silver lining? There are likely many. Try this: Grab a pen and paper, or type into the comment box below. List out all the things you struggled with in the last year in all their messy glory, then list out all the silver linings. Is it possible that the good even outweighed the bad? Is it possible that the last 365 days were a gift from the universe to teach you something critical about yourself and the life you want to live? 

What will you take from this time and carry into the post-pandemic world? 

A note about the art in this post:

Afterglow. 2021, oil on panel. 10”x10”

Jenny Haught is an artist drawn to the unexpected beauty found in everyday moments. The Friendship Series inspired her to start work on a new series of paintings that explores the experiences and emotions faced during Quarantine 2020.

“I took this photo on a deserted Chinatown street our first night of lockdown. Nearly a year later and San Francisco (like many cities) is still figuring out how best to safely navigate this pandemic. Hope emerges, still, from the resilience of communities picking up the broken pieces and building something stronger.”